The Longest Night
by B. Ro 03
Summary: Set during Eclipse. It's the night before the battle with the newborns and Bella sleeps in Jacobs' arms while Edward can only watch helplessly. What is this cold night like for him? Written in Edwards' POV


1**The Twilight Saga and its characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer.**

**The Longest Night**

"Sleep well Jacob. Enjoy the moment," I said, trying to infuse as much sarcasm as possible in my tone.

He closed his eyes and I was immediately drawn into his explicit fantasy, featuring my future wife as his leading lady.

"I didn't mean that quite so literally," I snarled. I remained careful of my tone, I did not wish to disturb Bella. Bella, who now laid peacefully in the dogs' embrace.

Although I was thoroughly disgusted with the relentless direction of his thoughts, I managed to feel some remorse for the embarrassment my mind reading continued to cause him. He tried to hide his chagrin with false bravado.

"Sorry," he replied quietly, and a smile crept across the mongrels' face. "You could leave you know - give us a little privacy."

As always, my remorse was easily pushed aside by my irritation.

"Would you like me to help you sleep, Jacob?"

I envisioned myself clubbing him over the head with Bellas' boots. I smiled widely, but he did not see my amused expression. His eyes remained closed, and his thoughts became increasingly bothersome.

"You could try. It would be interesting to see who walked away, wouldn't it?"

_Ludicrous_. The very idea that I might not be the victor in that scenario. How easily that delusion could be unraveled. Again, the boots seemed to call to me, but my better judgment won out.

"Don't tempt me too far, wolf. My patience isn't that perfect."

He finally settled with himself that he shouldn't do anything that might result in waking Bella. If she knew we were arguing he assumed she would ask him to leave. _Good_. At least he knew where he stood in the scheme of things. Again he covered his wounded ego with wit.

"I'd rather not move just now, if you don't mind."

I wanted to tell him that I did mind. That I wanted him to leave. That I wanted him gone from my life, and more accurately, from hers. But I looked at her peaceful face, and I knew her comfort came only from the warmth he had provided her. Something I would never have been able to give her. So, instead, I started to hum the lullaby I wrote for Bella.

I tried to block the dreams that eventually came, but I became too interested to retain my previous disgust. His dreams, held so much emotion. And although he almost always saw himself with Bella in a physical way, the underlying theme was always love. He loved her. Not the way I loved her, not the way I needed her. But still, I could see it ... the care, the tenderness. I allowed myself to appreciate again how uncomfortable this must be for him. To sleep by her side, to keep her warm, as I watched. He deserved my gratitude.

"Edward," she sighed. I could only imagine what she was thinking, but it always brought me joy to hear my name in her dreams. I smiled in response.

The sound of her sleeping voice woke Jacob, and his thoughts were immediately sharp.

_Edward? Seriously? If this girl would rather freeze to death in the bloodsuckers arms then that could be arranged. _

I was wrong. My gratitude would be wasted on the mutt. I reconsidered knocking him unconscious, but there was no need. Just as quickly as Bella was quiet again, Jacob found his way back to his dream world.

As I continued to watch his fantasies play out before me, my mind started down a new path. I admitted, it would be better for Bella to be with Jacob. It would be torture for me, but for her ... it would be a more natural pairing.

Bella had agreed to marry me with one condition. But how would I ever be able to make good on that condition? I could not even handle imagining myself with her that way. She deserved to be held and ... touched and ...

_Enough_.

I had promised her we would try. We would make it work. She was already my entire world, and soon she would be my wife. I would follow through on my side of the bargain and then when she was immortal, less fragile, we would be equals and I would be able to truly enjoy her ...

_Enough!_

"Edward," she said once more, in a whisper.

Suddenly, I was overcome by what should have been a rather obvious conclusion. It was possible that when she spoke my name it was because she dreamt of what she so clearly wanted of our relationship. That she accomplished in her dreams what she had failed to the previous night in my room. The realization made me feel oddly woozy, maybe even faint.

"Edward," she said again.

Jacob seemed to be easily awakened by her sleep talking.

_Edward again? Why do I keep hoping? She will never need me the way she needs him. Tonight is the closest I will ever be to her. Tomorrow I will find a way to move on. A way to forget her. I have to. _

I did not believe he would really follow through on this plan. He loved her too much. How could he not? She was beautiful and brave, selfless and strong. How could anyone resist her?

But there was truth in his thoughts. He felt he had lost, been beaten, outdone. In all honesty I had very nearly believed that Bella was in love with him. The idea still threw the cast of a shadow on my wounded pride. She was always so eager to deny it, so sure of her regard for their friendship. She was almost unwilling to see what could have become of their relationship had fate not brought us back together.

I stared at her face for a long moment, the face of my angel. She loved me, and I should never doubt that.

Bella moved restlessly and suddenly her sweet voice seemed to cut through my icy skin.

"Jacob," she murmured.

The animals' eyes flashed open at the sound of his name. His mind raced but his thoughts were far from coherent. It could have been that the jealous rage that coursed through my body was drowning out the sound of his pitiful brain.

"My, Jacob," she muttered and finally drifted off into a more peaceful sleep.

I could not think. The world seemed to be crumbling around me. My vision, now, seemed to show me what I missed before. Not just her sleeping face, as she happily spoke my name. But, the two of them together, the same peaceful expression. My mind seemed to crack as my eyes were forced to see the new portrait before me.

Was it possible that she was love in love with him? When she realized it would she leave me?

It could not be allowed to happen. I would kill him. Bella would be upset, distraught. But she would eventually forgive me ... _wouldn't she? _I could wait months ... or years, for her to forgive me if that's what it took. But, I could not bear to have her leave me. I could not stand to live if she chose to be with someone else.

The wolf was in ecstacy. His former dreams grew more pronounced. He began to see his future with her. Their wedding ... their children. His mind was consumed by pure triumph. Any plans he had to concede were gone. He tried as hard as he could to keep his my mind clear of any thoughts, knowing I would hear what ever convoluted plan he came up with. The coward would not even look at me to acknowledge what we had both heard escape from her dreams.

_My Jacob?_

If a life with him was what she wanted I could not stand in her way. I could deny her nothing. If she loved him, chose him, wanted him ... I would step aside. I have known worse pain. Believing she was dead was the greatest agony I had ever endured. I would honor her decision no matter what. But, I would wait. If he ever hurt her, if he ever left her. There would be only seconds before I would be there to console her.

I promised her I would never leave her again, and I never would. She would always be my angel, my life ...

And then, she was awake. All of my anger, fear, anxiety ... every doubt that plagued me, seemed to fade momentarily when her eyes met mine. She loved me. I knew it, but if she loved him too would it be enough to keep her with me?


End file.
